Friday, August 18, 2006

Animal thoughts

Well, not animal thoughts really... my mom received an e-mail with the following in it and asked me to put it in my blog:

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, or try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can legally sell their children.

I think I agree with some of it, but not the food dish one.



Tin Tin Blogdog said...

Lovin' it!

I'm with you, Charlie, I don't think I agree with the dish thing either.

If you can get your paw into the dish, its contents are fair game.

And my dad laughed hard when he heard the last one about being able to legally sell the offspring.

I think he fast-forwarded 10 years, thinkin' about my human sister!

Hee hee hee,

chow for now,

Tin Tin xo

Flossikens said...

Heys there,

Yep it sure is hard to learn how to dance, but i will do anythink for food =] heheh


Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

That's SO cool C-K-C ! And I reckon that it's all pretty much true - except the dish thing - I agree with Tin Tin - it's fair game !

Thanks for giving my mum a chuckle.


Isabella said...

Yep- I don't like the dish thingie either. And there is too a secret entrance in and out of the bathroom- I am sure of it! Oh, and come to think of it- I do occasionally wear Linda's clothes.
Big Wags,

Anonymous said...

It is too a race to the bottom of the stairs! Chani taught me so it has to be right.

hana said...

hey charlie, thanks for checking out my blog. i know where you got that "Dear Cats and Dogs." I must be an insider. It is from the web site! Take care!

Charlie Kelley-Church said...

Hana- my mom has never been to the web site. She got that sent to her in an e-mail from a friend who lives in another city. Maybe I should go and look at the web site!

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Hey C-K-C,

Just responding to a comment you left for me some time ago, that I missed - mum says always raw bones NEVER cooked, cooked bones are way BAD !


Ender said...

I love it!!! I have seen it before, but it NEVER gets old!

ranger said...

my mom loved your post! thanks for doing it. you are one good looking doggie and i hope you don't mind but i added you to my links!


Sid the Dog said...

Fabulous... Who knew that humans could be so funny? Perhaps it was written by their animals... Good to see another heeler cross out here. Queensland rocks!

hana said...

Hi Charlie, I guess the "Dear Cats and Dogs" wasn't just on the web site. Oh well. I don't have insider information then and am not too smart. But, there are some interesting updates added to the "Dear Cats and Dogs" if you look at the 2nd message in red on this thread: