After Ender and Hana said they both had seen it elsewhere, I went looking. I found these additional rules.
You do not have to wake me up a 3 a.m. just because you can.
When wet and muddy, it is not required that you get on the bed with me.
I can occupy the bathroom without an audience and since the bathroom lacks stadium seating, it might be best that I do.
It is not required that large dogs step on my small barefoot toe on every single opportunity presented. It is also unneccesary for said dog to butt my head with that
very large knot in her forehead. Crippling me and knocking me unconscious does not truly further your goals.
When I am racing for the ringing phone, it is not necessary for all of you to collect en masse and block my path.
It is not necessary to remove every single item from every single flat surface in the house.
Storage cabinets do not need emptying just so you can take a nap on the shelves. Your one body does not require 2.5 shelves anyway.
Sitting in the roasting pan is not cute.
No, you are not on the wrong side of every door. You just think you are.
No, the neighbors have not missed you therefore when you escape from the yard, there is no need for you to go visit them. Nor must you return to your yard with every dog in the neighborhood.
No, the shoes are actually mine and not yours.So when I go to put them on there is no need to slap me , grab them or lay on top of them to keep me from actually putting my own shoes on.
And yes, I know what time it is and NO, I will not forget to feed you. So please stop reminding me. I can tell time.
While I appreciate the gift, I really must insist that you leave all dead rodents, birds, and rabbits outside where you killed them. And if by chance you MUST eat inside, at least do me the favor of bringing your meal to your plate, so I don't step on the "green organs".
Also, if you catch something at 4 am, it is NOT necessary to wake me up and let me know. You KNOW I'll find it later.
Please kill your meal BEFORE bringing it to me to "share" in the middle of the night.
You cannot get your way simply by asking over and over and staring at me. Staring will not make me obey you, you cannot control me...
you are so beautiful! Would you like this?
I do not consider panting in my face a form of air-conditioning, so it is not neccessary that you lay on top of me when its 90 degrees.
You are not gardening when you trench dens next to my bushes and trees.
Bonemeal is not a whole bone, quit killing the tomatoes looking for it.
Used tissues are not snot-snacks, quit digging them out of the trash and eating them.
I know when you've eaten something you shouldn't have, remember, I clean up the yard.
And here I thought my trenching was helping to keep the rain away from the foundation of the house! Just trying to help!